[Edit: It took some time for me to figure out that replies weren’t being posted until they were “approved,” which is frustrating. Anyway, I encourage reading the responses. One is longer than my post, but worth it.]
It’s been a while. I’ve had a lot to say, but a lot has happened. Anyway, let’s pick up where I left off. Last time, I had a rather long rant on why I dislike it when Americans say “uh-huh” in response to “thank you.” I’m very grateful that it sparked quite a lot of conversation, mostly with people who disagreed with me, haha! Now, it is very rare that, after taking a rather extreme stance on an issue and having subsequent conversations with people who disagree with me on the subject, I end up at an even more extreme stance than I was previously. Normally, I’m forced to acknowledge my oversights and adopt a more moderate, nuanced position. But exactly the opposite has happened in terms of my previous rant on that most annoying of Americanisms: uh-huh. It is rude, gawsh darn’t, and let me tell you why.
In part, my new stance comes from more data collection. In the past few weeks, I’ve noticed that Americans often say “yeah” and “uh-huh” not just in response to thank you, but also in response to “sorry.” I looked around on google scholar and my university’s library research cite trying to find anything on this, and I haven’t found anything yet (Suszczynska (1999) gets pretty close, though). I’m making a tentative conclusion that it’s either a new phenomenon, too obscure to get published, or boring to most people. It might be obscure and/or new, but it is anything but boring. It gives us a linguistic window into how society works, and how societies might differ, in particular with respect to politeness.
What is “politeness”? To be more to the point, what is “rudeness”? Last post, I said that it would be difficult to call a commonly-used phrase “impolite” because, in so many words, its use within a community determines its meaning and value. The fact that “uh-huh” is socially accepted by Americans as a response to thank you means that, at least within that community, it does not have a negative effect on interpersonal relations and, by extension, we would have to cede that it is not impolite. That’s not the same thing as being “polite,” because that would imply engendering positive interpersonal relations, and this “uh-huh” seems more neutral. Now, the American “uh-huh” is noteworthy because the social need for marking deference that many theorists postulated as universal is, at first glance, being ignored. If we look further, though, we might see that the meaning of a casual “thank you” in American usage might not imply the same types of social correlates that it does in other English varieties, and that the reason why “uh-huh” is acceptable might be because the previous phrase “thank you” is being used differently.
Or so I thought.
But then how do we explain away “uh-huh” as a response to “sorry”? Frankly, when I say “sorry” or “excuse me” to a person and get “yep” in reply, I want to retract my apology and punch the person. It’s not so bad that I’d go around punching people in the face, but I might punch them in the part of the chest that connects to the shoulder pretending that I meant to hit them in the shoulder where it hurts less and is considered just a joke. No joke.
To make this abstract just for a while, Bergman and Kasper (1993) and Suszczynska (1999) both give excellent outlines of what an apology constitutes. In essence, it is an attempt to compensate for or mitigate the perceived negative effects of a prior action for which the speaker takes at least partial responsibility. When we apologize, we are in essence saying that something for which we are at least partially to blame was wrong, contrary to social etiquette, unintended, or any number of other vaguely negative things. To reduce it to its extreme, we’re in a very real sense saying “my bad.”
On what planet is affirmation an appropriate response to that!? In pragmatics research, affirming the transgression would be called an “aggressor,” which is socially a very valuable tool when we disagree with people, but it has zero politeness value. Now, you could say, “but that’s not what I mean when I say uh-huh,” and you might very well be right, but that doesn’t shield the phrase from criticism.
The way we communicate reflects many things: the way we think about ourselves and our relationships with other people, the way we think about society, and the way society itself is organized. If I use the word “bro” (and it is a word, not an abbreviation, when used in that context, don’t even get me started) to refer to a friend, that implies a great deal about me, my friend, and it also situates me in a time and place in history where that would occur. There might come a time when everyone in a particular society starts using the word “bro,” even in formal contexts, and if that time were to come to pass, my use of it would indicate something different about me than it would now, and it would indicate something different about society than it would now.
Another example. The Japanese word “omae” (from 御前, roughly: “honoring that which is before me) used to be a formal second person address term (i.e. “you” when speaking to someone socially above you, and usually way above you) up until the Meiji era. The word was used almost exclusively by the upper class, so the simple use of that word really did imply quite a lot about both the speaker and addressee. However, it implied something very different from what it does now, because in modern Japanese, the word is extremely widespread, casual, and even antagonistic when used with people who are not friends (almost like using the word “bitch” to refer to a female friend in modern English, except it’s genderless and used by and for all age groups). The dramatic changes that the word “omae” has gone through reflect larger social changes in Japan, and it is not controversial to talk about how the word’s journey through Japanese society mirrors changes in that society itself. It’s no different for English. “Uh-huh” is an anomaly; very few societies at very few points in time would use such a construction in a similar context. That fact is emphatically not beyond the scope of analysis, or criticism.
Yes, my punches would be misdirected. When I think about it, I don’t mean to blame the person who says “uh-huh” in response to the speech acts of thanking or apologizing. That person, who is likely American, is equally likely to harbour no ill will against me, and likely does not intend to communicate something akin to “you’re right to be sorry.” I absolutely do mean, however, to criticize the society that tolerates and promotes the use of that construction. It gives the (in my opinion, largely correct) impression that American society tolerates a passive indifference and even disregard for the person who is thanking or apologizing, or in the very least the act of thanking or apologizing in that context, and I take issue with that. There’s an excellent discussion by a hip-hop artist on the use of the word “bitch” among other things here that I think is really apropos. It’s another example, and I encourage you to read it, but that’s a different rant.
So. I’ll have to amend my earlier position to one that’s way more extreme than the previous iteration. Right now, when I say that I think it’s rude to say “uh-huh” to acts of thanking or apologizing, I am in fact saying that American society is rude, and I’d go further to say that I don’t think criticism of society should be off the table. I sincerely hope that, over future discussions, I’m forced to retreat from this position, but for now, I’ll just offer an apology to any Americans who might be offended by this post, to which I imagine you might respond: